Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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