what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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