You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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