I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
