i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
