Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
