He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
