Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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