i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
