So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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