i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
