we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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