Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
