i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
