i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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