You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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