You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
try to milk me bitch
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