under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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