The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
