this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
