Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
