don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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