I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
