my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
