Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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