who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
