Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
