her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
