Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
