So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
