i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
