I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sext me about skeletons
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize