Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
