The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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