I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
