Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
