onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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