remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
