Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize