I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
