I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
