i wish my penis had a tongue
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
