You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
