This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
