Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
