i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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