I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
