so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
