OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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