there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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