im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
