Cold hands, warm shart.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
