So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
