Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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