with your own penis?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize