I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize