she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
