I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You smell like stripper and shame
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i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
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Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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