no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
