Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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