what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you never un-have a 4some
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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