careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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