I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
