I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
