Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
