Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
