A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you made out with another girl for some wings
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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