Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
