you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Please don't give away my fajitas
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
